Sarah Grueneberg - Top Chef Season 9 - Texass

 As you can see, it's been a while since somebody has made me sick enough to embellish upon their pathetic existence. Sarah Grueneberg holds the esteemed honor of being 2012's first "Foul Piece of Feces Award" winner. Congrats Sarah!!!
If you've watched this run of Top Chef, then you must be in absolute agreement with the rest of mankind... Sarah Hindenburg is: not easy on the eyes, very hard to stomach, obese - sweaty - disgusting - very round - in need of serious dental work - loud - obnoxious - fat (did I mention that already?) - cruel - and fat. I bet she sniffs her own farts & "wipes and looks".  I guarantee she hasn't washed between her toes (or the middle of her pimple ridden back) in decades because there's no way she can reach them. I suppose she loves bacon, potato chips and a lot of butter. She is a degrading cow. When I see her fat, round, oily face with it's round greasy mouth and Leon Spinks tooth gap, I want to shoot a hole in my TV. She doesn't have the balls to make comments to anyone's face (alright, she most likely does have balls. A big wrinkly stale tired limping set similar to a dead sun tanned stretched elephant cheek filled with rock salt). I'd like to see little Beverly knock her stupid square teeth down her overly exercised throat. You are a sad piece of  greasy old lard Sarah and I hope your clogging arteries rob your struggling heart of life. You could be Miss Piggy's fat old aunt, but I'm sure Miss Piggy would deny it. She's got far more class & elegance than you'll ever have and she's nothing but pieces of plastic and fabric with a hand up her ass.
You are a disgusting fat ugly pig with a big horrifying mouth attached to it.
If you have a husband, wife or whatever, I'm willing to bet they are utterly horrified and embarrassed by your existence. You embarrass me and I have no friggen clue who or what you are. Everybody on the show hates you as well and I hope you cry yourself to sleep every night for the rest of your wasted life. You are a fat pig and you make millions of people sick.

UPDATE: All I can say is "THANK GOD!"... I have a tendency to stumble across things such as TV shows that infuriate me so thoroughly that I can't change the channel. Case in point: MTVs Battle of the Exes (or something similar). I stopped on an episode the other day while blindly searching for something to bide my down time, and Holy Shit!!! I have never seen more pathetic displays of idiocy, self-absorbance and drunken belligerence that brought about subliminal daydream images of heads on posts a la Cambodia to calm my nerves. Mmmmm, those botox-free swollen lips and Doc Hollywood-free high-tight-cheekbones... Far more appealing an image than Marisa (or whatever her name is / was) completely hammered flipping out on her boyfriend and jumping in the pool fully clad in her Marshalls heels & Hot Topic top. Those 10 minutes I have lost forever. I could have been smashing my fingertips in the door or carving out my own anus instead without regretting it so much in the end.  I'm losing myself here.... My point was supposed to be (somehow), that regardless of how good or lousy these Reality shows are, there's always someone to root for. The "least worst" perhaps. Like lethal injection as opposed to hanging or Pumpernickel over Rye. The sad fact is, no matter how badly someone deserves to win, no matter how far they exceeded their expectations, no matter how perfectly they fit the bill, some other piece of shit wins, and I find myself forever saying "WHAT THE FUCK!!!! I WILL NEVER WATCH THIS SHIT AGAIN!!!!" but then I do and the same shit happens again and again.
Well folks, this time I went to bed with a calmer head and slept well because that fat, frustrating pig LOST. Thank you thank you thank you judges! Did you see the little stat "Which Top Chef Have You Voted For"? With Paul @ 88% and POS @ 12% I felt almost ensured of her victory.
At any rate, thanks to DVR I could watch that filthy cow cry over and over as I felt better and better hearing her mumble in that mousy pathetic squeal of hers "I thought for a second that I had won... but I didn't" HA HA HA HA HAAAAA..... HA HA HAAAA..... A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you all for the thoughtful, warm & insightful comments! Keep them coming!!! I assume many bottom-rung, foolish, egotistical TV personalities will spend some time scouring the web for praise & self gratification to balloon their over inflated melons, and I try to tag these posts so people will find them without trying too hard. So, Sarah, if you've found this little op-ed: I hope you're Mom isn't too sad you lost, she probably expected it. 9 out of 10 people wanted you to lose (and probably die) and you did. You lost again. You lost Top Chef like you lost in the gene game. You are fat, stupid and ugly and nobody likes you. Cleanse your colon, brush your teeth and eat some lettuce you cow. You made me so happy when you cried as your dreams were crushed and I thank you for that. I truly hope I never ever ever see your pig-face again. Now kick rocks bitch!
aaahhhhhhhh.... what a great way to start the day!!!
Cheerio everybody!

Angie's List - Angie Hicks

What a total SCAM this Angie's List shit is... Angie Hicks is nothing more than some fat old jobless stay-at-home useless cow who pends most of her time laying on the sofa, scratching her ass & eating potato chips while her bank account gets fatter than her because of mindless people funneling their cash to her for useless information. The only people who sign up for this crap are clueless people with weak minds who don't have the energy to lift the cover of the phone book. The only people using Angie's List are idiots who want to ruin other people's businesses. Do you really think people post positive comments about the painter? Or better yet, the Plumber who walked the dog? Utter nonsense... All you're getting is the decrepit old skank bitching about the speckle of paint that she found in the corner after finding the cheapest Brazilian in the state that would paint her parlor for $65.
Don't pay this pig for advice she knows nothing about. You might as well pay me $56 a year for tax advice I can't give or $500 an hour for legal representation I am in no way prepared to provide.

CougarLife....

The CougarLife.com song has got to be one of the most irritating things I've ever heard. Even worse than 1-877-Kars 4 Kids, the Chicken Dance and the Barney song combined.... The way they try to sex-up the words "wouldn't you like to date a cougar toooooo" make me cringe and wanna f&cking vomit... The funny thing about CougarLife is, you aren't ever, never, ever going to find a "hot cougar" browsing AND PAYING for their service! C'mon, you'll have better luck down at the Lucky Dog Saloon.  I'd bet my life savings that CougarLife is LOADED with middle-aged, smashed & loose, sagging & stretched, single-mother-of-at-least-two-interracial-children-by-at-least-two-fathers-possibly-unknown, who post 15 year old photos of themselves at their absolute best that do not represent themselves remotely in the present. I'd also bet that 95% of the registered "cougars" are AT LEAST 15lbs overweight (minimum). A great place for pathetic men to meet pathetic women.

Check out the President (and proud cougar) of CougarLife.com, Claudia Opdenkelder... do you think for one second that this bitch looks anything like this when she rolls over, quiffs, and breathes hot sloppy semen-onion-cigarette-wine breath on you first thing in the morning?! I F*CKING DOUBT IT!!!! Total bullshit....... whatta whore

Elise Wims - Hell's Kitchen Season 9

Thanks to her Facebook page, and her decision to violate her contract, and her blatant consideration for no one other than herself, we now know that SHE DID NOT WIN. That's right, even though the season isn't finished, and possibly millions of people are wondering, watching and waiting to see what happens, Elise has gone ahead & spread the word that SHE DID NOT WIN... Not like every soul who ever tuned in didn't know already... There's not a snowball's chance in Hell's Kitchen that a loud, obnoxious, rude, inconsiderate, foul, talentless, idiotic skank like Elise Wims would be given the opportunity to head up a beautiful high end restaurant. Talk about clueless and just plain old dumb. I'll tell you one thing though, this season has truly soured my opinion of Chef Gordon Ramsay. I could always get past the arrogance, belittling, foul language, misogynist attitude and volume by reminding myself that, in the end, the person he is trashing is going to be better off in the end. But, after watching Season 9 of Hell's Kitchen and seeing Elise Wims nominated for removal every single episode (I've lost count, but it has to be 6 or 7 times now), yet be allowed to REMAIN on the show while other FAR MORE SUITABLE chef's get sent home, I realized that you can no longer hide the fact that Gordon Ramsay has peeled off the facade... Elise Wims has been kept on solely for the fact that the entire planet hate's her guts. Because people tune in to see the loud, stupid bitch that infuriates us all. When I watch this show now, I know in advance that it's completely staged, phony and a waste of time. Maybe they should move HK over to MTV next to Jersey Shore where it now belongs. You blew it Ramsay. If you'd like to see / hear Elise Wims in action for yourself, she can be found in Pittsburgh PA @ Endura Restaurant. I would rather go to Burger King than support this loser's life. Elise Wims: trashy, loud, useless and the destruction of HK. Hate ya babe!

Chritian Collins - MasterShit - 978-335-1055

Loathsome, diseased-rat-eyed, rock-eating-ground-down-grey-teeth, inbred-john-trailer-trick, laxitive-cut-coke-smoking, propane-baked-bean-cooking, layin-on-the-couch-all-day, jobless-house-wife, punk-ass-4th-grade-intellect-wanna-be-bitch.
Here's the f*cking clown that spent his 16 minutes of fame embarrassing, harassing and putting down some truly nice women who weren't doing anything but trying to showcase their talents & make life better for their families. What kind of punk belittles women to make himself feel better? An insecure bitch, that's who. You can see it in his "wee beedy" little rat eyes & crooked teeth. Every time the camera panned past this pussy punk, I wanted to throw my TV out the f*cking window, or climb into it & pound the snot out of CHRISTIAN COLLINS (chefchristianCcollins@gmail.com) 31 of Gloucester Mass. I friggen HATE punk ass bitches like Christian Collins - MasterChef Season 2. You can read this sloth from a mile away: all mouth and NO action... Likes to talk shit about everybody but can't back it up... Scared to DEATH if you call him out on his cowardice... You can see it all over his face.
He's the kind of jobless fool that I can guarantee will sit around day after day searching Yahoo! for his own name and I'll also bet he'll find this and leave an "anonymous" comment supporting himself, or making threats he has no plan whatsoever of backing up.
You're a pussy Christian Collins (June 10 1979) and I hope these words irritate you forever.

"Boston Rob" Mariano

What a fucking obnoxious, loud mouthed, weak pussy. This fucking clown isn't even from Boston... He's from fucking Canton or Stoughton Ma. There's nobody in Canton or Stoughton but lame ass fucking college faggots, like this douche. Get a life you old faggot, you're washed up, lame, weak, boring. If I could have a shot at Survivor, I'd pass on the million bucks without a doubt if I only had the chance to pound fucking faggot homo boys teeth through his gums, chew his nose off & shit in the big bloody hole. I'd really like to jam dried fish egg & sand covered blunt sticks in his eyeballs and rape him in the squeaky pink asshole with an Ometepe flag pole. I'd lead him into tribal counsel on his hands & knees with poles & sticks hanging out of his orifices and a little poodle collar made of sea weed and have him pronounce to the world that he is a washed up useless piece of shit faggot that only exists in his own little pathetic world of parasitic pussies & college cunts. Whew... THAT WAS GOOD!!!                 fucking pussy. So whatever, his name's Mariano, and you know where he lives, call up his mom some day.

Charlie Sheen

I don't even know where to begin with this guy... He has been referred to as a "consummate actor" recently during his crack stem meltdown. Now that is the biggest line of bullshit I've ever heard! This guy is one of the most unconvincing actors I've ever laid my eyes upon. He has no talent, he is hard to look at with that bulbous nose, massive cranium & unsupported ego. Did you watch any of the video from which the above photo was taken? It's funny as shit to see that old buttChuck truly believes he is intelligent. "buttal"?! Is that funny or clever? I don't fucking think so you clown faggot bitch. What a disgrace. Riding the waves of his family's fame. The whole family sucks when you think about it... Dad sucked ass in Apocalypse Now, nothing great there. Again, unconvincing.... Emelio?! Are you kidding me?! Those goddamned Baldwin's are a million times more entertaining than these clowns & they SUCK! Charlie, I would love to punch you in the throat, kick out your remaining teeth and make you admit on tape that you're an untalented ugly pussy who deserves nothing more than a mouth full of pig shit. Fucking faggot asshole.

EXCLUSIVE! Prince William & Kate Middleton Wedding Music List LEAKED!!!

A DHoH EXCLUSIVE! Prince William & Kate Middleton's Wedding Music List LEAKED!!! Here are the Top 10 Songs they've requested for their post-wedding ceremony!

Always... 

You and I Together 

Just How Much I Feel 

Why Wouldn't I Love You Forever?

I'll Carry You Through Eternity

We Were Made For Each Other

Bethenny Frankel

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! The sight of this OLD ugly fucking whore pig douche C*NT make's my stomach roil! WHO THE FUCK IS SHE, WHERE THE FUCK DID SHE COME FROM & WHY DO I HAVE TO SEE HER UGLY FUCKING FACE WHEN I TURN ON MY TV?!?!?! Without knowing one goddamn thing about her, I FUCKING HATE HER! WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOU BETHENNY FRANKEL, YOU OLD STUPID FUCKING SQUARE HEAD BITCH?! If I were stupid enough to marry this filthy pig, I wouldn't be able to leave the house each morning until I had belted her across the mouth a few times & belittled her to tears. Doesn't she look like some old retarded turtle? I bet she's got more hair around her asshole tan I have on my whole body. Thank heavens you aren't my neighbor... boy o boy, I would make your pathetic vile life fucking hell... DIE BITCH DIE!!!    i feel so much better now.

Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber is the most irritating little girl on the planet. I don't know where she came from, or how many cocks she had to suck to get her place in the limelight, but I pray to god she falls on the 3rd rail. I fucking cringe when I hear little clips of that stupid fucking song of hers. I take comfort in the fact that this little piece of shit faggot bitch punk will fall out of circulation as soon as she sprouts her first pube. Maybe someone can do the world a favor and introduce the little puke to heroin.

The stupid old asshole from Geico

Here's another perfect example of bad executive decision making. I swear I scratch my friggen head every time I see this old prick in those wicked fucking dumb Geico commercials. I mean really, the is definitely a process where some young idiot walks into a board room with his little poster boards and plots out his brilliant idea for a commercial. "We'll have this stupid old asshole standing at the podium in an auditorium, then the little imaginary green cricket will talk some bullshit while the stupid old asshole pushed all these idiotic buttons for no apparent reason & there'll be disco balls & awful niggy music & it will be SO FUNNY EVERYBODY WILL BY GEICO INSURANCE!!!" and all the tired old assholes in the board room say "WOW!! THAT"S FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!"   "Geeves, give this man another $10,000 raise!!!"  what ignorant assholes wasting money on ignorant asshole ideas...

Flo from Progressive Insurance

Here's another annoying piece of shit. Flo, the Progressive Insurance nightmare. Those high pitched yips and constant meddling irritate the friggen shit out of me. How the fuck does a board room of exec's all sit around and agree that this washed up old slut is the best choice to represent your company?! Sweet jesus, I am in the wrong fucking business... Isn't Flo the ugly assbitch that shows up in that incredibly stupid Ben Stiller movie where he marries the stupid bitch but doesn't realize she's a stupid bitch until after he's married her?

Pit Bulls and Parolees

Are you fucking kidding me?! These bullshit reality shows are really scraping the bottom. What utter rubbish... Storage Wars, Auction Kings, Pawn Stars, Pit Boss, 8 Kids, 18 Kids... Really, WHO GIVES A FUCK? This tarnished old worn leather cow hide c*nt Tia really kills me. Have you seen the commercials where Tia is all stresses out because her man is facing life in prison for being a THREE TIME OFFENDER? Fucking good!!! Put him away for life! Come on, really! Who the fuck is Animal Planet or whatever station this is to try and express remorse for a fucking 3 time loser? What about the "raise money for Tia" episode? She says: "It costs $800 a day to run this place, any money raised will go towards that." Fucking Bank of America doesn't cost $800 a day to run a branch... Maybe she doesn't know the difference between day & month. Dumb ugly wrinkled stinking fucking clam